In what promises to deliver a veritable treasure trove of underwear-soilingly hysterical unintentional comedy, Chuck Norris — honorary Marine, brave American hero and star of such cinematic masterpieces as Missing in Action, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning and the oft-imitated but ne’er-duplicated Braddock: Missing in Action 3 — is visiting The Troops in Iraq and reporting his experiences to WorldNetDaily.
Chuck has great news:
Norris said in an e-mail from Iraq two things have become very apparent as he has traveled from base to base: The “surge is working” and “morale is up – way up!”
Coming from a guy with such unquestionably impeccable credentials in the field of military operations assessment, that comes as quite a relief to this here concerned patriot. Thank the Blessed Baby Jesus that Chuck is sacrificing time he could be spending on production of new infomercials for overpriced, poor-performing exercise equipment or tending to his duties as a Director of the National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools to let us know what’s REALLY going on over there. That’s all important and shit because, as Chuck says, the liberal media isn’t telling the whole tale.
This sort of nonsense should probably piss me off, but hey, it’s Chuck Fucking Norris, a paid professional dumbass. And he’s partnered with WorldNetDaily! That’s a winning comedy combination if ever there was one.