The bottomless hole

Please remain calm. This entry, title notwithstanding, has nothing to do with Britney Spears’ cooter.

Sen. Everett Dirksen is widely, though in all likelihood inaccurately, quoted as saying “A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you’re talking real money.” As the cost of our criminal misadventure in Iraq rapidly approaches half a trillion dollars, it’s time to set some new guidelines for public discourse on spending taxpayer money. I’ll get things started.

Guideline No. 1: No supporter of the Iraq war may complain about real or perceived public spending excesses ever again, under any circumstances. This guideline applies to both express complaints (such as, “We’re spending way too much money on welfare”) and implied complaints (such as, “Look at that disgusting welfare queen”).

Anyone who observes or hears a violation of the above-described guideline may physically restrain the offender and administer wet willys until the police arrive.

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