Yo, Bill! What about me?!

So Bill “No Spin” O’Reilly recently went to war against Daily Kos, informing his legions of loyal viewers that the left-leaning website is all like David Duke, the Nazi Party and the Ku Klux Klan. Bill vowed to destroy DK, and seemed especially upset over photoshopped image posted by a DK diarist depicting Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Shithead) on his knees preparing to pleasure the president.

Hows about a little of that fairness and balance you’re always blabbering about, Bill? Daily Kos is a well-established site with thousands upon thousands of devoted readers. In other words, they don’t need all the extra traffic you’re generating for them. I, on the other hand, am a total n00b to these here blogospherez, trying desperately to generate a little traffic. I know I’ll never pose a threat to I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? — nothing puts asses in the seats like lolcats, and rightly so — but a little push in the right direction would be nice.

I’m eminently worthy of your derision. Let’s examine the record.

– I publicly opposed Wal*Mart’s efforts to expand its already massive criminal enterprise by building yet another supercenter in my city. That means I hate big business.

– I regularly say stuff like, “The invisible hand spends all its time choking the invisible chicken.” Thus, I hate the free market.

– I favor bringing The Troops home, which means I hate The Troops and advocate giving aid and comfort to The Enemy.

– I use bad words all the fucking time.

– I’m an atheist. As any conservative fundamentalist Christian will tell you, that means I hate Jesus.

– My sweetie and I have a crackpottish homemade “Impeach” sign in our front yard, which means we hate America.

– We have an American Bulldog, which is kinda sorta like a pit bull except much bigger and stronger. That means we’re just like Michael Vick, which in turn means that we hate puppies.

– I call myself Genghis Hitler, for Christ’s sake.

Whadaya say, Bill? Help a brother out.

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  • Novowels  On August 3, 2007 at 10:03 am

    He also went after Freerepublic. The freeper thread is pretty hilarious!

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