Bob Allen kind of apologizes, but in a manly, defiant sort of way.

As you all know by now, Florida State Representative Bob Allen (R-Openly Shitheaded) told police upon his arrest for agreeing to suck the dick of a stranger who turned out to be an undercover cop that he did what he did because the officer in question was a “pretty stocky black guy” and poor ol’ Bob was afraid of becoming “a statistic.” To his credit, Allen apparently didn’t use the term “porch monkey” or any similar epithets. That’s admirable restraint for any irrepressibly gregarious winger, even in a police station.

But now Allen appears to see how his comments might have been considered racist. In the interest of unity, he spoke at a meeting of a local NAACP chapter last night and offered this touching apology:

“Are you ducking into a class warfare, race warfare scenario? Are you trying to pit the two together? If that sensitivity has been crossed that’s defiantly something I’d apologize for,” Allen said.

The meltdown continues. The quoted statement bears all the indicia of the Thorazine-induced sputterings of one of those homeless schizophrenics that America’s Greatest President deposited on the streets in the 1980s.

Maybe the statement makes more sense in context. I sure as hell hope so. If not, someone needs to commence civil commitment proceedings forthwith.

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  • vm  On August 22, 2007 at 8:36 pm

    That ‘defiantly’ seems to be a typo in the transcript. In the video attached to that article Allen clearly says that he would ‘definitely’ apologize. Not that he isn’t still an asshat, I’m just sayin’.

  • Mean Old Lisa Pea  On August 23, 2007 at 3:07 pm

    You’ve conveniently glossed over some relevant details here.

    For your edification, it goes something like this: Allen ducked into the restroom to avoid an incipient lightning storm. Once in said restroom, another storm began to gather–this time a STORM OF VIOLENT NEGROS.

    So he did what any decent, non-racist, defiant American would do. He tried to coerce the threatening dark skinned man in the other stall to safety with promises of oral pleasure and twenty dollar bills.

    It’s called the White Man’s Burden–not that you’d know anything about THAT.

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