Vick Loses Career, Finds Jesus

By now everyone knows that dog butcher and laughably overrated ex-quarterback Michael Vick formally plead guilty yesterday to a federal criminal charge arising from his pit bull fighting operation in Virginia. Thankfully, he’s also found Jesus.

A cynic might say that Mr. Vick has experienced an epiphany of convenience. A cynic would be correct.

The Federal Sentencing Guidelines specify a base sentence of 12-18 months for the conspiracy charge to which Vick admitted guilt. However, the judge made it abundantly clear at the plea hearing that he’s free to adjust the sentence upward if he goddamn jolly well feels like it, and that Vick has waived his right to appeal regardless of what sentence the judge ultimately imposes. The sentencing hearing doesn’t take place until December 10, which gives Vick plenty of time to be seen praying, donating money and singing Rock My Soul in the Bosom of Abraham.

In related news, Jesus denies that Vick has found him.

Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.


  • modelvolume  On August 28, 2007 at 8:45 am

    He who is without sin let him cast the first stone hypocrites.

  • genghishitler  On August 28, 2007 at 9:07 am

    *picks up and casts stone in the general direction of Michael Vick*

  • Heraldblog  On August 28, 2007 at 12:52 pm

    WWJW – What Would Jesus Wager?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: