Chuck Norris: Giving Terrorism a 360-Degree Spin Kick to the Nuts

In what promises to deliver a veritable treasure trove of underwear-soilingly hysterical unintentional comedy, Chuck Norris — honorary Marine, brave American hero and star of such cinematic masterpieces as Missing in Action, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning and the oft-imitated but ne’er-duplicated Braddock: Missing in Action 3 — is visiting The Troops in Iraq and reporting his experiences to WorldNetDaily.

Chuck has great news:

Norris said in an e-mail from Iraq two things have become very apparent as he has traveled from base to base: The “surge is working” and “morale is up – way up!”

Coming from a guy with such unquestionably impeccable credentials in the field of military operations assessment, that comes as quite a relief to this here concerned patriot. Thank the Blessed Baby Jesus that Chuck is sacrificing time he could be spending on production of new infomercials for overpriced, poor-performing exercise equipment or tending to his duties as a Director of the National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools to let us know what’s REALLY going on over there. That’s all important and shit because, as Chuck says, the liberal media isn’t telling the whole tale.

This sort of nonsense should probably piss me off, but hey, it’s Chuck Fucking Norris, a paid professional dumbass. And he’s partnered with WorldNetDaily! That’s a winning comedy combination if ever there was one.

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  • rickardo  On September 19, 2007 at 11:47 pm

    And who are you, by the way? I’m going to go out on a limb, and say that by your crude language, Christian bashing, and obvious bias toward surrender and defeat, that you’re a Liberal, a Yellow Bellied Traitor to be exact. I’d like to see you take on Chuck, in fact, I think Christie could easily take you, as well. Hopefully you’re due for some 360 degree spin kicks yourself.

    The National Lampoon

  • genghishitler  On September 20, 2007 at 6:24 am

    I’d heard whispered tales of the existence of a Chuck Norris fan, but never imagined they could be true until now.

  • EddyPo  On September 20, 2007 at 9:14 am

    Norris is a turd, way past his flush date.

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